Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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