God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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