STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
