my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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