Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
