His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
