im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
