once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
