I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
