We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I pour the whiskey from now on
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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