Betty ford says i'm here all night
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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