yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I got inside last night via doggy door
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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