so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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