guys are not supposed to queef...right?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
