I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
