Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
