I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
