I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
