You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
