the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
