I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
