I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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