Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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