I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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