Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Randomize
