Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
