How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
