Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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