Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
