i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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