come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
