Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I have post one night stand depression
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