so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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