I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
