Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
my sisters under your porch take her home
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
