What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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