imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
