i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
