I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
We talked him into tasing himself.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
