Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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