And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
