I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
