part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
