Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
