i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
