my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
