i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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