where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
