I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
