No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
