If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
can u get pink eye on your cock?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
