I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
